How to detect if someone is trying to Manipulate You and How to avoid being Manipulated

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Do you want to know how Master Manipulators behave? Do you want to learn how to avoid being Manipulated by these kinds of people?

You came to the right place. Keep reading.

The following story is my own experience by knowing that kind of person…

Master Manipulator as a Good Friend

I had an old friend from childhood; let’s call him Gary.

Gary was not good at school. Not talented in mathematics or sciences.

He was not talented at sports. He was always a skinny guy who was not doing good at any sports.

In the group of people, he wasn’t that loud guy who got all the attention.

Neither he was the good looking guy who girls would be craving…

BUT

Gary had a one gift. A PRECIOUS gift…

He was a talented speaker. 

What I mean, is that he had the ability to charm people to do what he wanted. In other words, he was outstanding in manipulating people to do him favors.


Master Manipulator since Childhood

Let’s go 20 years back in time. The time I was an innocent child.
Long story short, I met Gary at the yard when I was playing, and we became good friends.

We did a lot of things together, and we had many funny moments and experiences. I told him many things about me and my personal life, and he was supportive of these times.

Gary was a funny guy to hang out with, but one thing sucked.

And that’s were getting into details of this article.

We never did any activity I wanted to do if he didn’t want to do it. Even if there were others than only two of us around, other friends who wanted to do the same activity I wanted.

Instead, Gary could manipulate people to do things he wanted to do.

From childhood to the teenage, he always charmed people around him to do things he wanted.

We also had brawls from time to time. Not physical fights, but beef and dissing each other. These moments Gary knew how to hurt people emotionally.

He did always win these beefs and used people’s personal things against them, making people really vulnerable.

Including me.

Even I got hurt emotionally from time to time, and we still were really good friends with him after a moment of our fights.


Learning Lessons From Master Manipulator

As the years flew and I was still hanging around with Gary, I slowly started to become immune to his attempts to manipulate.

I started to see a precise formula of his behavior and how he spoke.

Little by little, I learned to use his ability against him.

I learned how to dodge the bullet of his manipulation attempt.

I learned how to protect myself from not getting hurt emotionally by him.

And I also learned how to influence other people in the group not to get manipulated by Gary, but to follow my or some other friend opinion.

Don’t get me wrong; Gary was not a bad person. He did never hurt anyone physically, neither he did broke the law. He graduated from high school, but he didn’t go to college. As Gary wasn’t good at school, he started a regular dead-end job and lived a carefree life with 9-5 schedule (If you are interested in escaping the Rat Race, check this article about Passive Income)

I still see him from time to time, and he is still hilarious company to be around even though I can again see the patterns of his manipulative behavior.

Back to this article.

The story of Gary, a physically weak guy who wasn’t good at school, but with the talent of charming people around him, was the inspiration for me to write this article.

As being a good friend since childhood with a master manipulator, I learned a lot of essential lessons for not being manipulated. So let’s start the Lessons!

Principles of Dodging the Bullet of Manipulator

PRINCIPLE #1 Never Reveal Your Weak Points

The friendship with Gary taught me one of the most important lessons of my life:

  • Never reveal your weakness and private problems to anyone, unless they are your Family.

I used to tell some of the most vulnerable private problems I had suffered to Gary. He was supportive of me these times.

But when we got to the fight, he used my weakness against me.

These fights did HURT me a lot.

I made that mistake of revealing my weak points a few times, but then I learned to keep them off him.

Never reveal your weakness so that no one can use it against you. By doing this, you already have an advantage against the one who is trying to hurt you. It’s like you disarm him or her, as he can’t reach the most vulnerable points of you.


PRINCIPLE #2 Don’t show that you are pissed off

The times we had beef with Gary, and he immediately started the attempt of emotional torturing, went something like this:

  1. Me and Gary disagree thing x
  2. Gary is trying to make me angry.
  3. When I became angry, I became emotional
  4. By being emotional, Gary knew that he could use that emotional state against me.
  5. Gary stayed calm, and I was angry and emotional. This lead him to win the fight.

These beefs did always made me feel bad. Then one time I learned the lesson:

When we had beef again, and Gary was trying to make me emotional and angry, I didn’t piss off.

This action did confuse him, and he tried to escalate things. He told me something that would surely make me very angry. But I didn’t show these emotions to him, even inside my mind I was really, really angry.

After he realized that I didn’t get angry and emotional, he stopped the beef and acted like there wasn’t a fight at all. Like everything was okay.

This made me realize one principle of his formula:

Emotional people are easier to manipulate.

The Lesson was:

When you are having a fight, and someone is trying to piss you off, keep that hate inside you. Don’t reveal it outside. By doing this, the opponent becomes confused and will most likely end the beef, as he/she realizes that you don’t give a f#ck.


PRINCIPLE #3 Be calm, Be Neutral

The earlier Principle: not getting pissed off, leads us to the next principle:

Maintaining calm state

The story above told us that by not showing emotions or becoming mad, is a counterattack for the one who tries to put you down. Let’s continue the Formula:

After I learned not to become angry when Gary was trying to piss me off, I still wasn’t completely safe from his attempts to manipulate me.

If we had been fighting with Gary and I didn’t piss off, he stopped the fight. But not entirely. He did crave that feeling of winning the beef.

So after a moment, he wanted to do something he knew I don’t want to do, a Friendly way (He was/is very good at this)

Short Story of avoiding getting Manipulated

For example, he knew that I didn’t want to watch a specific movie. So he proposed other’s to watch this movie and asked me too. I did disagree and said that I don’t like these types of movies.

He instantly took action and said that I’m a fucking loser if I go home alone when they are having fun by going to the movie theater.

I felt angry about this, but I didn’t show it off. What I did was a debate. I started debating with him about movie genres and why I don’t like the movie they were going to watch. He said that my taste of genres sucks, and I started to draw off my emotional armor of not getting mad.

Debating with him didn’t lead anywhere. As he was a master manipulator, he didn’t show any emotions when I tried to mock his favorite movies.

Instead, I lost my calm state, and I tried to piss him off more and more.

And that’s the point I lost.

I did lose my calm state by trying to argue with a guy who is immune to that kind of debate.

This lead me to go again emotionally.

And you can guess the rest when I was arguing with him when I became emotional…

The Lesson was:

Be neutral. Don’t judge anything, keep calm state if the manipulator is trying to mock something you like and don’t try to mock something he or she wants. It’s never-ending battle if you choose that path…

When you are neutral and calm, the manipulator realizes that you are not an easy target and moves to the next one.

This is not a pussy move, if you think that manipulator wins when you don’t attack him. This actually pisses off the manipulator as he or she craves winning the beef, but he can’t. It makes him mad and hits his ego.

Interesting Book about How to Manipulate People?

48 Laws of Power. Book that helps you to learn how to avoid being Manipulated or how to manipulate people.

48 Laws Of Power. This book is really interesting, but also it can be very disturbing for some readers.

It teaches you 48 different dirty (but proven and working) tricks to Manipulate people and get what you want. Because of the disturbing tricks the book teaches you, many people are shocked how some people can act like that.

I don’t agree with all the laws in the book, but some are actually legit and the ones that Gary used. This made reading this book even more interesting, to analyze real life sociopath and compare his behavior in the tricks of the book.


This book is good for 2 reasons:

  • If you want to learn Manipulative tactics
  • If you want to Prevent being Manipulated and counter attack someone who is trying to control you

The book is really easy to read and there is not long, boring stuff that makes you tired as fuck, but it keeps the interesting on reader whole time. This book is definitely worth to take a read.

You can get this book from Amazon here.

Conclusion

By having a long term friend who is a Master Manipulator, I have learned a lot from him. I wanted to write this article, so you can avoid getting manipulated, if you encounter with someone like Gary. These principles will help you to stand for yourself and not lose the fight and being manipulated.

For more good read related to building strong character for you, check these Articles if you already haven’t:


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