This is the subject I wanted to write about first, as I struggled with this long time, being depressed and anxious. The oneitis situation. The one girl you had deep emotional connection. When you first met, the beginning was magical, relationship slowly turning into a deep love. Memories. Everything went well, but then unfortunately there was rain after shining. You split up. Whatever the reason for break up was, it will hurt. It will hurt a lot. The emotional pain is so intense that it’ll cause physical conditions like stomach pain, loss of appetite and overall weakness.
By quickly looking for information about ‘how to get over your ex’, you’ll most likely find things like this: “go no contact and move on”. Easier said than done. ‘just move on’ is not going to just happen if you decide so. As the no-contact part is legit and giving time to heal the damage, there are also some other things you can do to really get recovered fully. I’m going to write down here some tips about ‘how to get over ex’ (that worked for me). But first let me share my breakup story:
My breakup story
(I wrote this post earlier when I’was just completely got over her, so this is old text. Nowadays I’ve felt love again and much more deeper, so some things in this maybe invalid, as this was my first realationship. Now i’m just rewriting old text I didn’t publish back then.)
I dunno if this was oneitis or not. I’ve had severeal short-term relationships before her. and this was my first long term relationhsip. It lasted 2 years. Shortly, the linear of our relationship went like this: We met. We fell in love. Everything is wonderful. Honeymoon ends. Everything fine until litlle by litlle she starts losing attraction and finally end’s up cheating on me. I dump her, but get back together soon as I’m too naive. Worst mistake ever, never take a cheater back. Althought it was open relationship, and didn’t end well. We broke up about year after this, and this was much more brutal and messy breakup than the first one. I was devasteded after this. Depressed. Anxious. No confidence, felt like my life ended. The world collapsed for me. Feeling like there will be never a light in the end of the tunnel.
From the beginning I went on no contact. No texting, no phon-calls, no stalking on social media etc. First week was the worst. I think I’ve never been as depressed as I was on that time period. Next few weeks after that weren’t much better, but not at least as bad as the first one. I thouhgt her 24/7 for little over month. And she probably didn’t give f@#k about me, as she had a new boyfriend a week after we broke up(found out that much later). It was somewhere around 1,5 month when I one day woke-up and realized that I didn’t care about her that much. Then, as the time ran, this effect escalated and I thouhgt her a less and less everyday. But I still didn’t get fully over her. A one moment I didn’t think about her at all, and then suddenly she appeared on my mind and I started to miss her (even there was no reason). It came on waves.
Even I had f@#ked a new girls, I still thought that my ex was better and I was insecure that I will never meet anyone like her again. That she’s non-replacable. (wrong again, now when typing this, I’m a little shamed about how I had thought:D. Falling in love can really f@#k up mind). Basically, the first three months I didn’t have any other goal in my life but going to bars/clubs and f@#k as many girls as possible. First two I actually didn’t have any success, and I know why. Will write about it on another time.
It was about three month mark or slightly after when I realized that I need to do something else than just waste my life for looking for pussy. Started some new hobbies. When I had some other goals than just smashing as many girls as possible, I really didn’t put pussy anymore on pedestal and lost the mindset that it’s key to happiness. Which is not. Also as you hear stories about you’ll find a better girl than your ex, this happened to me. Final nail in the arch of healing process. I was already completely over my ex and found this amazing girl who was better on every aspect than my ex. And yes, girls have some kind of sixth sense when they know you are over her. We had zero contact the first three months, and then out of nowhere she texted on me “Hi. How are you?”. Didn’t respond.
But now I’ll write some actual steps that are important for healing process.
This is probably a common sense nowadays, as everywhere where people are asking help for breakup, this will be the first answer. As some use’s this techinique as a tool for getting ex back (which wont work 100%), it should be used to help YOU to diminish the feels you had on her. Everytime you talk to her, text her, look at her facebook update, will slowdown your healing process. The temptation to know about how she’s doing, does she have a new boyfriend? is she even thinking me? that temptation will be huge. If it’s not, congratulations, you are most likely to got over her completely. That’s where you should aim for. To not care if she has a boyfirend, if she gives a f@#k about you. It’s your ego that is fighting in this point, it can’t get over the fact that she may found someone better. This is were I struggled, I had built my whole confidence over this girl. And when we broke up, my self-esteem collapsed at the sametime. And it took a while to rebuild it.
At first I hoped that she would text me so I know that she cates about me, but she never did it, until I was over her. Didn’t feel happy when that happened. Even that was what I had hope for the last three months. Back to the topic, I actually broke the no-contact rule as I stalked her social media and saw pics of her and her new boyfriend with tags #truelove. Immediately regretted that and never did it again. Now I knew why there is no-contact rule. The less you know about what she’s doing, Rethe better you are doing.
At first I had wrong approach for this. I was jsut waiting for her to text me, but this is a toxic way to do this. You’ll be still thinking her all the time in the hope of her texting you, either it’s getting back together or just tell her to f@#k off. The ego thing. Which wants validation of her.
This is important, which I didn’t do immediately after breakup. Remove everything that reminds you of her. Either it’s a gift, picture or anything related to her. I had her toothbrush on my toilet, and everytime I saw it, she appeared on my mind ( and not in a good way). Took a while until I throw it away. As deleting her phone number too. This was a big step. After this I subconsciously know that I can’t ever contact on her even I would like to. By eliminating all these things you save yourself from lot of stress and emotional pain. And more importantly you have time to foucs on other things than her. Even it’ll be hard, it’s worth it in the end. Also avoiding going to places you had memories with her will trigger these.
Now it’s time to format her off your brain. Do not stay at home and laydown on bed everyday. By doing so, you’ll not have any new memories to remember for. Execpt your ex. Example, I took a vacation with my friends for place where we partied a week. It was a great trip. Something I like to look back for and remember good times. By doing lot of these kinds of things you will have other things than your ex to remember for. This will help you to get over her tremendouysly.
- No contact
- Avoid triggers
- Reforge memories
And the time will do the rest. These things will speed up the healing process, but in the end it’s the time that heal all wounds. And you will get over her. Trust me. I had feelings that I will never get over her, but now I understand that it’s possible. Even on the past I thought it was impossible, it really isn’t.